She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
