ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Congratulations! We have a period
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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