my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
