he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
