I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
