I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
