I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
