how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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