We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
