make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
