so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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