His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
