Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
