I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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