My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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