You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
