News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
