i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
