drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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