Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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