Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
