Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
