Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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