Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
