before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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