My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
