My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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