I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
