That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
