i permit you to call me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
