one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm too high and old for this...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
