I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
