Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
