She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
