She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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