I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
