dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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