I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
