My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
