How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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