Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
