True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love accidental penises.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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