he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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