I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
