Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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