I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
