I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
