and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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