My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dick has a subreddit
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
not ubering you a puppy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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