Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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