just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
