i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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