omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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