Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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