....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
