i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Panties = found
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
