you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
