Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize