your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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