if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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