so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
