When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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