i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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