JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
