Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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