Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
