How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
