worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
