i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
