There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
