I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Randomize
