Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
