But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
