FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The Olympian is in my bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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