he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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