Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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