So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
