Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
