Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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