Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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