I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
