Don't you send me to vm
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
