Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
