Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
