im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
