Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize