using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
