Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
