Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
