no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
