No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
