lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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