guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
