You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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