dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
