butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
