The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize