I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
