Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
