not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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