My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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