My brain says no but my pants say off.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We need to get me chipped asap
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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