just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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