Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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