I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
