last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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