I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
