with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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