I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
