Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
