I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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