just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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