dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
