You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
