So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
