Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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