in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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