Say something about gay babies.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So apparently I’m into choking now
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